The Woman I Was: Meeting My Former Self with Compassion

Have you ever looked back at the woman you were ten, fifteen, or twenty years ago — and barely recognized her?

If you have, you’re not alone.

Recently, I opened a dusty file box that I almost never touch. It’s from what I call my “divorce era,” a time when I was a single mom to a two-year-old, holding everything together with duct tape, caffeine, and love. Inside those folders were documents, scribbled notes, and fragments of the woman I was back then — the one who was doing her best to survive the chaos.

As I read through it all, I felt the familiar tug of judgment. How could I have tolerated that behavior? Why didn’t I see the manipulation then? Why didn’t I take a firmer stand, protect myself, or refuse certain dynamics? My present-day self — more grounded, more self-aware, more healed — wanted to shake that younger version and say, Wake up!

But then I caught myself. Hindsight may be 20/20, but self-compassion has a broader, softer view.

I reminded myself that the choices I made then came from the tools I had at the time.
I was learning, reacting, surviving. My younger self wasn’t wrong — she was simply navigating what she understood, the best way she knew how. Twenty years ago, I didn’t know a lot about my or the nervous system…I was in protection mode, high alert and autopilot.

In spiritual terms, I’ve come to believe that we each enter this life with soul agreements. Contracts, if you will — with our partners, our parents, our children, even our challenges. These agreements create the stage for our growth, our heartbreak, our breakthroughs. When I view that chapter through this lens, it shifts everything. We were all playing the roles required for each of our souls to evolve.

When I remember that, I can breathe again. The anger softens. The judgment fades. In its place, there’s gratitude — messy, humble gratitude. It’s not always easy, but it’s simple. It does take reminding my human of this thought process.

I invite you to try this out, if you ever find yourself looking back at an earlier version of you—cringing a bit, if you feel she stayed too long, tried too hard, or didn’t yet know her worth—pause before you judge her. She wasn’t failing; she was in training. She was living out her soul assignments with the tools she had at the time. Instead, see if you can thank her. She endured what she had to so that you could become who you are now.

So when an old memory surfaces, or you stumble on a box from your past, take a moment to whisper gratitude. Forgive the woman you were, bless her for all she carried, and thank her for walking you to this exact moment in your evolution.

Maybe that’s one of the great gifts of aging with awareness — realizing that every former version of ourselves deserves a seat at the table, not as a reminder of our mistakes, but as proof of our strength. The goal isn’t to erase her; Each version carries sacred wisdom and energy that still lives within us, waiting to be integrated.

The next time you open an old file box — whether literal or emotional — try greeting your past self like an old friend. She has something to teach you still.
And she’s waiting to be forgiven. xo